According to the Cornell Research Program on self injury, 12 to 24 percent of young people have self-injured. Self injury, such as cutting, scratching or burning, can be a way to release or relieve unmanageable feelings and express intense inner pain. It is a growing problem among young people that needs to be addressed. Parents are a first line of defense and a key part to seeking help and I understand that the first conversation between a parent and a child can be a difficult one.
Using a ‘I see, I think, I feel’ formula is an effective way to approach a complex and delicate subject, and it allows parents to remain on their side of the street. This formula can be applied by saying to your child: “When I see cuts on your wrist, I think ‘this is a problem, my kid is cutting,' and I feel scared.” But I encourage parents to make their own observations and speak from the heart as this formula is just an outline for that conversation.
Having an open and honest dialogue is key when parents suspect there is a problem. Many times parents are worried their child will be mad or upset about being confronted, but this formula makes it more about a parent’s concerns, rather than adding to the guilt or shame the child likely already feels for his or her actions. Help is available and it works - at Timberline Knolls, we focus on healing from the inside out.
More often than not, self injury is associated with another co-occurring problem like depression, trauma, eating disorders or substance abuse. These young adults need attention - sometimes medical, sometimes emotional, sometimes spiritual. It’s important to not only recognize the signs of self injury, but as a parent, to know what steps to take to get proper care for your child. These are serious and deadly diseases, but there is hope and life long recovery is possible.
By fostering an environment of acceptance and understanding, facilities such as Timberline Knolls provide a safe space where those facing self-injury and co-occurring disorders can heal physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
New National Study Shows Deeper Issues in Teens Today
A new report issued by The Partnership at Drugfree.org says teens today don’t see a big problem with downing five or more alcoholic drinks nearly every day and that there is an upward trend in marijuana and Ecstasy use among high school teens. I attribute this rise to the growing number of teens who identify themselves as “social” drinkers, denial in our society and deeper issues in teens today.
We see it extensively at Timberline Knolls Treatment Center in adolescents (and adults) who identify themselves as "social" drinkers but really have serious substance use disorders (abuse or dependence). But I say to the called "social" drinkers or drug users, please define social. Social to me means being fully alive and fully present to connect with loved ones and other people in our lives. I'm not sure what is social about pouring or snorting or inhaling or injecting a toxin into your body.
I also see denial as a part of the problem and call on parents to get involved. Some of denial and minimizing comes from families, especially if one or both parents drink or use "recreationally." Denial or blindness can also occur if the parent is not consistently emotionally involved with their teens, because they don't know how to be (their parents weren't) or they have their own substance/work/food/money/sex addiction.
The worst thing a parent can do is disconnect if they suspect a problem, and this can happen in the form of turning a blind eye, rationalizing it, or keeping it secret. Underage substance use is always a signal of deeper issues going on in a teen. Many times the issues are related to low-self esteem and trauma/abuse/neglect (including emotional neglect).
A kid that needs to turn to a substance to connect with other people or have fun has missed out on some important human relationship/connection skills. But it is critical these teens seek help and that loved ones help them do so. It's never too early to ask for help as a parent or teen and to get potentially life-saving treatment. Recovery is possible with the right treatment and support system.
We see it extensively at Timberline Knolls Treatment Center in adolescents (and adults) who identify themselves as "social" drinkers but really have serious substance use disorders (abuse or dependence). But I say to the called "social" drinkers or drug users, please define social. Social to me means being fully alive and fully present to connect with loved ones and other people in our lives. I'm not sure what is social about pouring or snorting or inhaling or injecting a toxin into your body.
I also see denial as a part of the problem and call on parents to get involved. Some of denial and minimizing comes from families, especially if one or both parents drink or use "recreationally." Denial or blindness can also occur if the parent is not consistently emotionally involved with their teens, because they don't know how to be (their parents weren't) or they have their own substance/work/food/money/sex addiction.
The worst thing a parent can do is disconnect if they suspect a problem, and this can happen in the form of turning a blind eye, rationalizing it, or keeping it secret. Underage substance use is always a signal of deeper issues going on in a teen. Many times the issues are related to low-self esteem and trauma/abuse/neglect (including emotional neglect).
A kid that needs to turn to a substance to connect with other people or have fun has missed out on some important human relationship/connection skills. But it is critical these teens seek help and that loved ones help them do so. It's never too early to ask for help as a parent or teen and to get potentially life-saving treatment. Recovery is possible with the right treatment and support system.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Does Social Media Really Encourage Eating Disorders?
With dozens of websites catering to the social media phenomenon, teenagers have a wealth of options to connect with each other online – and none is more popular than Facebook. But a new study reveals that the more teens use this platform, the more likely they are to develop an eating disorder. I have long warned against excessive use of social media and hope the new study will encourage more parental involvement in teens’ online activities.
Because Facebook has in some ways replaced interacting face to face with other people, we're becoming over-connected electronically and under-connected to the people around us. Social media can be an excellent tool for staying connected with friends and family when used in a balanced way, but like any tool, it can be abused.
The study also pointed to music videos, TV shows and fashion content as negative influences on teens’ eating habits. But there is hope; parents who get involved with their child’s surfing habits and make it a priority to discuss the content with them can reduce the risk of their child developing negative self body image and ultimately a negative relationship with food.
I'd like to offer the following advice to parents:
Time Out: Planning the time children have with their computers is crucial. Parents should limit the amount of time their children are allowed to be online recreationally. Whether the limit is 30 minutes a day or an hour a day, it is important to give children a set period of time. As time-consuming as this might be for parents, this activity must be monitored carefully.
Lights Out: Parents must also give their children boundaries on how late they can be online. The later the hour, the more likely parents will be asleep and unable to monitor the child’s online activities. It also is the time that objectionable pop up ads are most likely to appear. Worse yet, it is when online predators are scouring the Internet looking for victims.
Location, Location, Location: Time is not the only factor; parents need to know where their children are going on the Internet as well. Look at the site history on your computer. Find out what sites your child frequents and go to those sites to make sure they are appropriate. Prohibit children from visiting sites with objectionable content. If needed, purchase programs designed to block access to certain websites. Also, use a shared/family desktop computer and have it in a common area of the house like the kitchen or living room.
Stay in the Loop: Parents should also network with other parents and talk with them about what they are doing and seeing. Talk about children's patterns of computer use, what limits they set, and other ways they cope with use that may be unhealthy or unbalanced. Parents might also want to make sure their kids use a family computer, a desktop located in an open area of the house like the living room or kitchen where other family members are likely to be.
Keep Informed: Most importantly, parents need to explore what’s going on in their kid’s relationships and lives. If you notice an increase in isolated activities like being on a computer in place of spending face to face time with friends and family, there may be a deeper emotional or relational problem that is manifesting this way. Should you see this behavior, it’s always important to tell your child that you are concerned and seek help from a professional.
Facebook has dismissed the study saying, “Young people are surrounded by photo-shopped models in magazines and airbrushed film stars, but when they spend time on Facebook they're with their friends." But I'd like to counter these claims.
Teenagers will see in Facebook what they want to see. There are positive and empowering ways to use the site, but there are more sinister aspects. They might look at a picture of a friend and still see what they think is wrong with themselves. Frequently, girls and women with eating disorders use the site to post ‘skinny’ pictures of themselves when they are deep into their diseases. This can be triggering to other teens and also to themselves in their recovery. That’s why parental interest is crucial. But even the most involved and careful parent might miss small details that can become big problems in the future.
Learn more about eating disorders in teens from Timberline Knolls and Dr. Dennis.
Because Facebook has in some ways replaced interacting face to face with other people, we're becoming over-connected electronically and under-connected to the people around us. Social media can be an excellent tool for staying connected with friends and family when used in a balanced way, but like any tool, it can be abused.
The study also pointed to music videos, TV shows and fashion content as negative influences on teens’ eating habits. But there is hope; parents who get involved with their child’s surfing habits and make it a priority to discuss the content with them can reduce the risk of their child developing negative self body image and ultimately a negative relationship with food.
I'd like to offer the following advice to parents:
Time Out: Planning the time children have with their computers is crucial. Parents should limit the amount of time their children are allowed to be online recreationally. Whether the limit is 30 minutes a day or an hour a day, it is important to give children a set period of time. As time-consuming as this might be for parents, this activity must be monitored carefully.
Lights Out: Parents must also give their children boundaries on how late they can be online. The later the hour, the more likely parents will be asleep and unable to monitor the child’s online activities. It also is the time that objectionable pop up ads are most likely to appear. Worse yet, it is when online predators are scouring the Internet looking for victims.
Location, Location, Location: Time is not the only factor; parents need to know where their children are going on the Internet as well. Look at the site history on your computer. Find out what sites your child frequents and go to those sites to make sure they are appropriate. Prohibit children from visiting sites with objectionable content. If needed, purchase programs designed to block access to certain websites. Also, use a shared/family desktop computer and have it in a common area of the house like the kitchen or living room.
Stay in the Loop: Parents should also network with other parents and talk with them about what they are doing and seeing. Talk about children's patterns of computer use, what limits they set, and other ways they cope with use that may be unhealthy or unbalanced. Parents might also want to make sure their kids use a family computer, a desktop located in an open area of the house like the living room or kitchen where other family members are likely to be.
Keep Informed: Most importantly, parents need to explore what’s going on in their kid’s relationships and lives. If you notice an increase in isolated activities like being on a computer in place of spending face to face time with friends and family, there may be a deeper emotional or relational problem that is manifesting this way. Should you see this behavior, it’s always important to tell your child that you are concerned and seek help from a professional.
Facebook has dismissed the study saying, “Young people are surrounded by photo-shopped models in magazines and airbrushed film stars, but when they spend time on Facebook they're with their friends." But I'd like to counter these claims.
Teenagers will see in Facebook what they want to see. There are positive and empowering ways to use the site, but there are more sinister aspects. They might look at a picture of a friend and still see what they think is wrong with themselves. Frequently, girls and women with eating disorders use the site to post ‘skinny’ pictures of themselves when they are deep into their diseases. This can be triggering to other teens and also to themselves in their recovery. That’s why parental interest is crucial. But even the most involved and careful parent might miss small details that can become big problems in the future.
Learn more about eating disorders in teens from Timberline Knolls and Dr. Dennis.
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